21 of the funniest money and stock market quotes EVER

OK, with all the doom and gloom in the world at the moment I thought it a nice change to list my favorite funniest money and stock market quotes.

 

  1. “All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” Spike Milligan.
  2. Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the “gotta have it” scale. ~Zig Ziglar
  3. Bear: what your trading account will be after following the hot tips in the financial times.
  4. Bull: what your hedge fund manager is full of.
  5. Bond: what you had with your wife until you pawned her jewellery to fund your account again.
  6. The pessimist sees the glass as half empty. The optimist sees the glass half full. The day trader just adds whiskey.
  7. Financial markets have a very safe way of predicting the future. They cause it.
  8. Q: Which one of our natural resources will become exhausted first? A: The Taxpayer.
  9. Wall Street is the only place that people ride to in a Rolls-Royce to get advice from those who take the subway. – Warren Buffett
  10. “Sometimes your best investments are the ones you don’t make.” – Donald Trump
  11. “The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people.” – “Trading Places” (1983)
  12. Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.” – Spike Milligan
  13. The investor’s chief problem-and even his worst enemy is likely to be himself.” -Peter Lynch.
  14. “Markets can remain irrational longer than you can remain solvent” -J Maynard Keynes.
  15. “I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” Douglas Adams.
  16. “If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem, If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.” JP Getty.
  17. Money doesn’t make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million. Arnold Schwarzenegger
  18. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
  19. There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one. Jack Yelton
  20. A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything was last year.
  21. Don’t marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.