21 of the funniest money and stock market quotes EVER

OK, with all the doom and gloom in the world at the moment I thought it a nice change to list my favorite funniest money and stock market quotes.


  1. “All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” Spike Milligan.
  2. Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the “gotta have it” scale. ~Zig Ziglar
  3. Bear: what your trading account will be after following the hot tips in the financial times.
  4. Bull: what your hedge fund manager is full of.
  5. Bond: what you had with your wife until you pawned her jewellery to fund your account again.
  6. The pessimist sees the glass as half empty. The optimist sees the glass half full. The day trader just adds whiskey.
  7. Financial markets have a very safe way of predicting the future. They cause it.
  8. Q: Which one of our natural resources will become exhausted first? A: The Taxpayer.
  9. Wall Street is the only place that people ride to in a Rolls-Royce to get advice from those who take the subway. – Warren Buffett
  10. “Sometimes your best investments are the ones you don’t make.” – Donald Trump
  11. “The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people.” – “Trading Places” (1983)
  12. Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.” – Spike Milligan
  13. The investor’s chief problem-and even his worst enemy is likely to be himself.” -Peter Lynch.
  14. “Markets can remain irrational longer than you can remain solvent” -J Maynard Keynes.
  15. “I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” Douglas Adams.
  16. “If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem, If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.” JP Getty.
  17. Money doesn’t make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million. Arnold Schwarzenegger
  18. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
  19. There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one. Jack Yelton
  20. A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything was last year.
  21. Don’t marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

The Greece crisis

I really do feel sorry for the Greeks. For a nation with such a
staggering history and such proud people, it’s tragic to see them
reduced to more or less begging for money from the EU.

The country is in bits; but I’m not sure it is going to get any better for them to soon.
We all have our views on the situation but I do fear for them. My
partner thinks [who also loves the Greeks] that if they default and get
involved with Russia that Greece is just going to become Russia’s toy!

From a trading point of view you can make some small quick profits
trading the news and volatility.  In this chart that you can get free on
yahoo, you can add the SMA from my system and spread bet the positions.
You could have made a few hundred points profit over the last couple of

Vince made a funny but very valid quote at his seminar that the Euro is
really just the Deutsche Mark. When you see the DAX performing to the
Greece crisis like it has been you have to agree.

greece dax

Risk Reward and Compounding

To make money from the stock market you need to have a bank to trade with. Ok that’s obvious to all, but how do you make the most of what you earn to initially invest in the markets?

Well this little quote should help me highlight the formula. Some of you may have heard it before “spend less than you earn and invest the difference wisely”

Safe smart investingIf you are starting from scratch you could try this approach first. If you reduced your outgoings by £100 a month and saved this for a year you’d have £1200 to invest the following year without having to do any extra working hours. If you think “yeah but I need to invest now and I need to be rich yesterday” you’ll probably still be skint in another 12 months anyway. So this is a good place to start.

You could alternatively get another job to supplement your income and continually invest that extra money instead. Maybe every month you decide to buy your favourite stock and compound the interest you earn on it by buying more stock or even another one. Sounds good right? But if the stock you buy losses money or gives you a stop out signal you may feel as you’ve wasted your hard earned overtime.

Well how about this formula instead. Reduce your outgoings and make some extra money from overtime or a second job as well. Invest this extra money in a small business that you can grow and compound your profits further.

Examples of this is buy 100 bananas for £10 and sell them for £20, then invest the profits and buy 200 bananas. Keep these strategies going until you have an income that gives you the standard of living you desire and invest the difference until the returns give you a greater return than your job.

For me personally the last example has worked well for me. My surplus income is invested in stocks that I look at keeping for 10 years plus. Now that may not happen, I may sell the shares for whatever reason, but it’s a painless way of investing. I keep earning more than I can spend and invest the difference. One day I’ll be truly financially rich if I continue as I am.

The good thing is that you can start of small and all of a sudden you’ll find the compounding really starts to take speed and deliver. You can spread bet your profits from as little as 10p in some cases and compound that way.

Plan for the next ten years and you’ll reduce the pressure of the must have now factor. This in itself will make you a better investor. And as always, remember it’s a marathon not a sprint.

Making money is largely an attitude and there is little need to be super smart or intelligent. My attitude towards making money has evolved since meeting Vince, who I must tell you actually confessed that he is not particularly bright academically.  Although evidently one heck of a trader…


Vince Stanzione seminar 2015

Well I have finally got round to writing about my day at the Vince Stanzione Seminar. Up against the clock I just made the start. Train delays cost me but luckily I had left early enough.

I sat at the back and enjoyed every minute of the day. Vince started the day of with a flood of trading information that could take me and my trading positions into the next decade. Seriously…

I still have positions in some of his tips from the last seminar as did many of the other attendees.

Vince seminarAn interesting observation about the seminar is that there were so many people in the room that were there at the last one. I recognized at least 20 faces there and managed to chat to a few of them. I also chatted to some newbies and tried my best to give them some solid advice. Be interested to know how many were actually at the last one as there were others there that have been to them all. So Vince has a real hard core following.

But the seminar is not all about this position and that position. A lot of what Vince talks about is making money, keeping money and compounding your interest. Not just from a trading angle but from all that you do in regard to working, saving and investing.

A really good point that Vince points out is that you should be thinking of what you can achieve over the next 10 years instead of wanting to be a tycoon by next year. He pointed out how quick 10 years actually pass and that people are living so much longer nowadays that 50-55s are becoming the new middle aged.

A good quote he also highlighted was that the first person that is going to live until 150 has already been born. Amazing… So don’t think you’re too old or you’ve missed the boat because you’re probably younger than you think.

Jim Mellon gave a really interesting speech that was fantastically enlightening. He’s way way out there and pointed out many technological innovations that will shape our world in the future and how we can profit from this knowledge.  You can get his book here with all proceeds going to charity.

Jeff Hirsch from the stock trader’s almanac also gave some very interesting tips on trends and seasonality trading. You must always have a trader’s almanac by your bedside; so very useful and such easy reading.

The whole day provides you with an investment plan for the future and as I have said you are planning for the next 10 years and beyond so work your way up to an income that accommodates your needs.

Vince gave a great example of this approach and mentioned that just over 10 years ago he had a Million dollars in a separate trading account that he bought stocks with and reinvested the dividends. That account is now standing at over $14,000,000

It can be done, there’s no catch or con going on. You can make it as a trader if you follow the trends. You may not make as much as you want as quick as you want but you will get there with solid plans, achievable goals and like I have a great mentor.